keeping it cool like a kelvinator

Thailand

Day Four:
Presented some challenges…
Mum has Gastro (Vom Vom) … Yuk!
We tried to go on a tour to the temple to see the big Buddha but it was raining and our tour bus driver refused to take us :(
We saw the monkey show, that was very cruel (i’m not sure i liked it, them being caged up like that :(… none the less they were very cute and talented little monkeys)
Relaxing night at the motel with a few drinks and nibbles.
Hopefully the weather picks up tomorrow and Mums Tummy bug goes away. (poor thing).

The “worry” has also set in tonight, which is SHIT! Sometimes i wonder if its done on purpose just to piss me off.. its annoying. Anyways… not much i can do about it- i just hope it doesn’t play on me too much over the next few days because that would be a really sucky way to be travelling.

Super dooper tired. Off to sleep.

Peace.

Where do i begin?
If i infact have anything to say…
These always seem to be so bland.

I’m currently lying in bed, after what has been a pretty big weekend for more reasons than one.
I finished uni last week (forever) well fingers crossed i did reliant on whether or not i passed my subjects. Its terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. I really dont know what i’m going to do with my life yet, im beginning to wonder if i ever will. I often dread the question people (well generally older people) ask me “so whats next?” i feel so useless and hopeless when i dont have a solid answer ready to spill to them- i hope one day i find that soul searching challenge. That “thing” i’m meant to be doing in life. I guess thats life though.

I also attended my first and most probably last university ball as an undergraduate student, it was Vegas themed and it was a great night! (Many people dressed up and there were some very impressive costumes) it was a great night and made me realise i have met some amazing people through uni, people i honestly will never forget. They are genuine and honest and kind hearted- the type of people you dont stumble across everyday, and i treasure every one of them and i believe that connection will always exist.
Post ball drunken antics were probably most fun, its the best ive felt in a long while and i haven’t told anyone that. THAT is something i surely will never forget and i hope the persons involved treasure it too.

Sunday was most probably my last Sunglass Hut Christmas party also, as i most likely wont be there to see another Christmas party, well fingers crossed i wont. I missed a few people who weren’t able to attend, it kind of didn’t have the same vibe. Nonetheless, it was an amazing night (despite being very ill with this cold) i still managed to drink it up and infiltrate the party (nice one b-fry ;) ). Sunglass Hut has also shaped my character i believe (be it for good or bad) i am a much more confident person because of it i believe, and trust my own judgements much more assertively than ever before. It has given me great business ethic and skills i think i’ll be able to apply for the rest of my life, however much i despise that place. I owe it something, even if that something was all self taught, it helped me emerge from my shell (my incredibly shy little shell). P.S i should confirm i’m not completely cured yet. hehe.

Currently I am extremely sick, i have been sick for 2.5 months (i confirmed how long today when revisiting the doctor) it has been this long and constant visits to the doctor with zero prescription. Today i was told my lungs are pretty seriously screwed at the moment and i’m on two cases of antibiotics (penicillin and sulfur) just to cover all bases. i’m also on a case of steroids, vitamin b12 injections and all sorts of fun things. i’m to stay out of the cold wind and away from smoke.
In other words i’m meant to become a hermit for a while. (umm i highly doubt that is goign to happen). I’m sure there are many worse people off than me, people with debilating disorders which a dose of antibiotics isn’t going to cure, and i praise and cherish those people for every day that they keep fighting (im being dramatic) but honestly. i feel like i’ve been hit by two semi trailer trucks and its a complicated cold— how would others feel. how selfish of me.

One of the main reasons i really wanted to get on top of this cold also is because i’m going to thailand in nine days. This will be my first EVER overseas trip other than (tasmania) hehe i joke, i mean i have been there, but you get my point. I’ve been to quite a few places in australia but never overseas, i know so many of you, particularly those i went to school with have travelled so wide and have learned so much of the world, i haven’t had this privledge and commitment to saving for travel as of yet, so this is honestly going to be such an exciting experience for me.
I plan for this to be the start of my traveling log. I’m going with the family this time around, but i plan next year to hopefully go to travel with the bfry, so long as we can get our acts together and get our money sitch in order. vietnam, thailand, europe. the three main places i want to travel in the next lets say 3 years.
Because i am traveling next week, and for me it is exciting i’m going to document my stay (however silly or gay or uninteresting that may be to you) i really dont care, because to me it will be important chapter and i often document most things in life (which many people dont know about me.) If you are interested, do keep your eyes peeled because it will all begin next week.

in other news ive felt a little different lately, i’m kind of worried about this particular difference i speak of, and i dont know if people are slipping away.. either because they want to or because something is changing in me. i really hope that things become settled because some of the things i’ve been feeling lately terrify me, even though i’m reassured that nothing is wrong. i cant seem to shake these feelings.
I miss quite a few people at the moment and i’m afraid i just wont have the time to catch up with them before i go away— but i’m going to try extremely hard to make the effort to. fingers crossed.

I’m excited and anticipating this holiday with all my might, there is only one thing that makes me not want to jump on a plane right this very second and thats my baby. I will miss him so much. i know its only 10 days and he is going to be fine, he probably wont even notice i’m gone and i know i’m being ridiculous, ten days may not be long in his books ( and thats ok with me) because maybe i feel slightly different about things… but i honestly will miss him every day, and not being able to just msg etc. whenever i want, it will be a big chunk for 10 days gone. I’ve gotten really close to him lately ( i think i speak more of our friendship) there are a few things which he probably doesn’t know, but sometimes i just dont know what to say or how to word it appropriately. i’m so up and down i drive myself crazy. Anyway enough about that.. we wont get in to the too personal things. (:

I’m looking forward to shopping in Thailand, i even had a dream about it the other night thats how much its on my mind. The Christmas rush is starting soon, and before we know it we are going to have a new year.

what is 2011 going to bring, i’m terrified, excited and nervous with anticipation.
i’m also hopeful however i think 2011 is going to be a big year for me.
Well fingers crossed.

Love and a cupcake.
X

Peace.

Life at the present

Well life has been interesting recently to say the least.
With Uni coming to a close, I find myself increasingly terrified and apprehensive about the future, accepting the fact that I will most likely not get in to honors (which is to no cause but my own lack of hard work in the initial years of my studies- too little too late). All of this has made me increasingly stressed in general.
That, coinciding with recently getting a new manager at work and having to put in the extra time-emotionally, to deal with the changes, and help things get settled (as that responsibility always seems to fall on three people at work-they know who).
Constantly being abused by customers day in and day out by customers who’s only problem is that their sunglasses are broken, or that they aren’t receiving a discount and find it necessary to swear at me and call me a bitch, is slowly character breaking each day. Going in to work- no one deserves that.
I thought I would find support in people who have supposedly always been there for me, as its not just work and uni that having been impacting my life at the moment.
Recently a member of my family has relapsed in a more dangerous way than previously. Getting involved in heavier drugs and copulating with minors, stealing money, having ransoms over his head- yet still having a wife and child at home, doesn’t seem to faze him. The last straw for me was when this particular persons child recently had a birthday and he was given $700 to go and book a birthday party at a play center, instead the money was taken and a weekend bender was had, the individual involved didn’t return for 4 days, not contactable by phone (as tey refuse to answer) who knows where individual was or whether they were safe or not. Upon return no birthday party was booked and no explanation was given as to where one was. But it didn’t end there, one morning i arrive downstairs to my front door knocking, initially i thought it was mum and was about to just open the door. Luckily someone was looking out for me that day and i had a second thought and didn’t open the door instead inquiring who it was first. That is when a very threatening individual was requesting the person involved very abruptly, regarding a situation with their younger sister and a car. I was threatened and my car was parked in the driveway. No one should have to deal with that at home and no one should be threatened because of the wrong doing of others.
Going out in public has become frightening because you just dont know who is connected to who- i can just here many of you, one in particular, saying that I am just being paranoid. But i guess you just dont understand, unless you live it.
My parents continue to pay through their teeth for things that dont involve them, fines etc.. just to keep this individual out of trouble- but this individual continues to dick on people, and certainly doesn’t have any concern for the welfare of others- you think one would at least have some concern about their child. Who, i forgot to mention through this time had chicken pox and required cream (again money was given to send for cream, the individual didn’t return until midnight, meanwhile the child is in discomfort). Its easy to say why feed him money, if it was my choice I wouldn’t but the individual has their own family, and some others certainly dont aid, but instead solicit the problems without even realising.
Its fun to be terrified to live in your own house, twiddling your thumbs waiting for the inevitable day that the cops knock on the door— again.

But hey it doesn’t stop there, you got another individual relapsing—and reminding you that they are the authority on everything. This ones already been “there” before you think that would’ve been a lesson enough, but no. Its disgusting, and then you watch the tv to relax but no crime stoppers comes in with a similar incident— or you stumble across police investigation show, and two teenage girls are reporting how traumatized they are from a similar incident, i’m just meant to swallow that, and keep travelling.

Well regardless the one avenue i thought i had to release my anguish apparently doesn’t matter-because instead of receiving the support i would, i am ridiculed made fun of and imitated- constant gossip behind my back is obvious and extremely hurtful from places i thought i would receive support- friends. Instead there is exclusion, and exclusion via association. Its disappointing, assumptions can be so hurtful. Im starting to think i cant rely on people anymore. Instead my stomach actually hurts because of how much people are making fun of me and gossiping behind my back— did anyone ever think to ask and find out what was actually going on? But i guess we just dont do that- its bizarre really.

I’m greatful for a few standing by especially one for never ever doubting my reasoning for my emotions- instead asking me whats going on instead of assuming.
This person has had problems of their own, bigger than most I know, and I know that no one has asked whats going on there either. It seems certain people receive special treatment and others are just shunned for having any emotion. It should be a two way street, and both parties (myself included) should know whats going on- rather than everyone making assumptions.
Its petty, immature and i’m sick of it.
Perhaps the avenues for things I have said or done have not been appropriate, but its a call out for help (no help is not the right word, but support). Instead all i have received is ridicule, and not even to my face— all behind my back.
I guess its ironic that this was the only avenue I seem to able to reach out and perhaps receive some understanding- because its seems many dont want to bother to find the truth but instead continue to assume. I hope this might clarify things.

Such is life. Everyone is at fault- myself included.

Funny things people said..

• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
• Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
• Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
• Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

• Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”

**http://rinkworks.com/said/courtroom.shtml

not so long ago..

i posted a picture of a glass full of sour worms and i wrote..
someone fill me a glass full of sour worms i will love you forever.

well they weren’t in glass, but i do love that person forever.

:)

Wish List

Things which I will save to afford:

… eventually

• Black M!MCO Corset Day Bag
• Small companion ASUS notebook (or similar)
• Fisheye Camera
• Pocket Eton Filofax (Black)
• Dr Martins (Red/Black)
• Gold Dallas Necklace from American Apparel Store
• Parinto Design Shirt
• Sniffle Co. Duck Ring (knuckle family set)
• Victoria Mason Sharpenings Necklace !
• Books (lots)
• Dresses 
• Toto “dork” necklace (or similar) “jerk” “yianna” “doofus” “word” “dummy”
• Gold “Yianna” necklace from jeweler 
• lo-ride bike/basket bike
• a puppy
• Polaroid 600 film
• New Polaroid 300 Camera
• a turtle
• Sniffle Co. Puffer Pal Brooch
• new fat vans
• iphone 4 ?? :D

oh material things how i love you…

*naughty*

caching. cash money.

I feel compelled to write, however frustrating that is in the middle of the night- considering i should be sleeping or making better use of my time preparing for my all important presentation coming up.
I feel a little more at ease now i know that James is going to run over things with me tomorrow, its nice to get that second opinion, i’m sure i’ll feel more settled knowing whether or not i’m on the right track.
That, alongside the idea which Jack has given me is surely helping to ease the sky rocketing stress levels.

The last two days have been interesting emotion filled days, its funny how certain things people say and do can trigger such various emotions, but i guess thats where the phrase “makes you wonder” comes into it.
It does make you wonder whether that is “convenient” or not.
Whether something that is “ok” with some, no problem observed, can seem to sit so unsteadily on my mind. Is that really ok then?

I guess it would be if it hadn’t been clarified one way or the other, by doing so I guess it (“those words”) actually made things worse- in my eyes. Especially when I question the intentions, because i return to the convenience of things…
Hmmm…
But hey, keep in mind I am often deluded in my sense of judgment.
As i’ve so often been told.

Its interesting to see how things have changed over the years, the people I’ve drawn closer to, the people that seem to be slipping away. It frustrates me in a sense because i look at other relationships i see others have and watch as they dont see how in an instance things change, how people fall away, i see them struggle to hold on to something they once belonged to, only to make fools of themselves, or perhaps jeopardize the people they do have beside them, that are strong and stable, all in the quest to hold on to being “that guy”. With “those” friends.
I find it funny that certain people will think this is about them, but others who will think they know who its about will have no clue, that in fact, it is actually them i speak of.

The days seem to come and go recently, i have amazing days where i wouldn’t doubt things for a second, but its those cloudy days which really seem to throw a spanner into the works, i just cant help to think… perhaps…
I hate thinking like that, but its reinforced, without even realizing, and the wrong in it (so to speak) isnt even seen by the perpetrators.
Funny. I guess i could quite easily be a perpetrator also.
Alas, who knows.

I just know that its not on… the things that are said, the actions which take place, life isn’t just one big joke, sometimes jokes can have massive ramifications and you wouldn’t even see it coming.
Not everything is just “ok”.
However, I really wonder if my perception of what is acceptable, differs so significantly from others, am i that disconnected? Thats a pretty major issue if thats the case.
More often than not though, i dont think i’m that far off the benchmark.
That is whats frustrating.

I guess its just food for thought, and another long thought-filled sleepless night ahead of me. I guess you’ll just think its “convenient”. Ha!