Life at the present
Well life has been interesting recently to say the least.
With Uni coming to a close, I find myself increasingly terrified and apprehensive about the future, accepting the fact that I will most likely not get in to honors (which is to no cause but my own lack of hard work in the initial years of my studies- too little too late). All of this has made me increasingly stressed in general.
That, coinciding with recently getting a new manager at work and having to put in the extra time-emotionally, to deal with the changes, and help things get settled (as that responsibility always seems to fall on three people at work-they know who).
Constantly being abused by customers day in and day out by customers who’s only problem is that their sunglasses are broken, or that they aren’t receiving a discount and find it necessary to swear at me and call me a bitch, is slowly character breaking each day. Going in to work- no one deserves that.
I thought I would find support in people who have supposedly always been there for me, as its not just work and uni that having been impacting my life at the moment.
Recently a member of my family has relapsed in a more dangerous way than previously. Getting involved in heavier drugs and copulating with minors, stealing money, having ransoms over his head- yet still having a wife and child at home, doesn’t seem to faze him. The last straw for me was when this particular persons child recently had a birthday and he was given $700 to go and book a birthday party at a play center, instead the money was taken and a weekend bender was had, the individual involved didn’t return for 4 days, not contactable by phone (as tey refuse to answer) who knows where individual was or whether they were safe or not. Upon return no birthday party was booked and no explanation was given as to where one was. But it didn’t end there, one morning i arrive downstairs to my front door knocking, initially i thought it was mum and was about to just open the door. Luckily someone was looking out for me that day and i had a second thought and didn’t open the door instead inquiring who it was first. That is when a very threatening individual was requesting the person involved very abruptly, regarding a situation with their younger sister and a car. I was threatened and my car was parked in the driveway. No one should have to deal with that at home and no one should be threatened because of the wrong doing of others.
Going out in public has become frightening because you just dont know who is connected to who- i can just here many of you, one in particular, saying that I am just being paranoid. But i guess you just dont understand, unless you live it.
My parents continue to pay through their teeth for things that dont involve them, fines etc.. just to keep this individual out of trouble- but this individual continues to dick on people, and certainly doesn’t have any concern for the welfare of others- you think one would at least have some concern about their child. Who, i forgot to mention through this time had chicken pox and required cream (again money was given to send for cream, the individual didn’t return until midnight, meanwhile the child is in discomfort). Its easy to say why feed him money, if it was my choice I wouldn’t but the individual has their own family, and some others certainly dont aid, but instead solicit the problems without even realising.
Its fun to be terrified to live in your own house, twiddling your thumbs waiting for the inevitable day that the cops knock on the door— again.
But hey it doesn’t stop there, you got another individual relapsing—and reminding you that they are the authority on everything. This ones already been “there” before you think that would’ve been a lesson enough, but no. Its disgusting, and then you watch the tv to relax but no crime stoppers comes in with a similar incident— or you stumble across police investigation show, and two teenage girls are reporting how traumatized they are from a similar incident, i’m just meant to swallow that, and keep travelling.
Well regardless the one avenue i thought i had to release my anguish apparently doesn’t matter-because instead of receiving the support i would, i am ridiculed made fun of and imitated- constant gossip behind my back is obvious and extremely hurtful from places i thought i would receive support- friends. Instead there is exclusion, and exclusion via association. Its disappointing, assumptions can be so hurtful. Im starting to think i cant rely on people anymore. Instead my stomach actually hurts because of how much people are making fun of me and gossiping behind my back— did anyone ever think to ask and find out what was actually going on? But i guess we just dont do that- its bizarre really.
I’m greatful for a few standing by especially one for never ever doubting my reasoning for my emotions- instead asking me whats going on instead of assuming.
This person has had problems of their own, bigger than most I know, and I know that no one has asked whats going on there either. It seems certain people receive special treatment and others are just shunned for having any emotion. It should be a two way street, and both parties (myself included) should know whats going on- rather than everyone making assumptions.
Its petty, immature and i’m sick of it.
Perhaps the avenues for things I have said or done have not been appropriate, but its a call out for help (no help is not the right word, but support). Instead all i have received is ridicule, and not even to my face— all behind my back.
I guess its ironic that this was the only avenue I seem to able to reach out and perhaps receive some understanding- because its seems many dont want to bother to find the truth but instead continue to assume. I hope this might clarify things.
Such is life. Everyone is at fault- myself included.
